I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships—how we connect, why we connect, and what keeps those connections intact. Relationships are the cornerstone of our personal and professional lives, shaping the way we give and receive energy. But not all relationships are built the same. Some are rooted in authenticity, while others are nothing more than a well-rehearsed performance.
Recently, we had to let a couple of people go from our lives. Up until that moment, they played their roles flawlessly. Loving. Attentive. Purposeful. Giving. Or so it seemed.
But the moment we made the executive decision to walk away, they vanished. No words. No attempts to reach out. Nothing. Just silence. And in that silence, the truth became crystal clear: they were transactional.
Now, I don’t say that with bitterness. With time and wisdom, I’ve learned to accept people for who they are. Some folks are simply built for exchange, not for depth. They show up as long as there’s something to gain—access, benefits, status, resources. But the second the transaction is complete or denied? They disappear. That’s not love. That’s not loyalty. That’s not real.
I also know this: after a certain point in life, people don’t change unless life forces them to. If you’re past your 30s, your habits are cemented. Your outlook, your approach to relationships—it’s locked in unless some life-altering event shakes you to the core. Otherwise, you are who you are. You can read every self-help book, watch every motivational speaker, and hear every sermon, but unless you want to evolve, you won’t.
But let’s be clear: this isn’t about judgment. It’s about clarity.
So, let me ask you—do you have transactional people in your life? And if you do, do you even recognize them? Because, let’s be real, it’s hard to tell when the curtains are still drawn. When the smoke and mirrors are still in play. When someone is saying all the right things, making all the right moves, and keeping up the act just long enough to get what they want.
But here’s what I’ve learned: time reveals everything.
Watch what happens when you set a boundary. When you stop giving. When you say no. The people who are intentional will still be there. They’ll check in, they’ll hold space, they’ll show up. Because they see you, not just what you offer.
The transactional ones? They’ll disappear. Because for them, it was never about you—it was about the exchange.
Intentional people pour into you. They nourish your spirit. They invest in your well-being. They celebrate your wins, stand by you in losses, and remind you of your worth without expecting anything in return.
Transactional people extract. They take. They maneuver. They manipulate situations for their benefit. They might smile in your face, but their loyalty is tied to what you provide. And the moment you stop feeding their needs, they move on.
So, I’ll ask again: who do you have in your life? And are they intentional or just passing through for the transaction? Because the sooner you know, the better you can protect your energy and surround yourself with people who truly value you.
